When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
