I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize