why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
