I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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