I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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