Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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