i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
