Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
