a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
