I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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