Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
