Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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