If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
