in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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