I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
