I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
