When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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