Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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