You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
