I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
