Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize