You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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