Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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