I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize