did you get engaged???
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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