Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
