i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
