matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
