Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
