I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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