If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
