I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
