I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
