Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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