and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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