i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
