Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
