I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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