fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let's get the cat blown out
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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