So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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