She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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