Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
