after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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