you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
