you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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