shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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