Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize