tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
