Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
A+ Viking dick
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
