How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So much Jack, so little girl.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
