I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
