Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
