my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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