if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
