I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
