having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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