why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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