Sry I called you an 8
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
