It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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