my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
