she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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