i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
