I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
