I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm passing your future prison.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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