hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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