I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
