I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
