no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i barfeds in our rink
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
