On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
