i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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