I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish I only lived at night.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
