A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it glows. i had to have it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
