That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This baby is an asshole
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
