Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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