she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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