Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm like, not good at living.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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