i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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