so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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