her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize