ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
