as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
