franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
