My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
