I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize