my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
