What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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