after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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